i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
