i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
