She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
