I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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