i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
