I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
