I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
