I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
