im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
