Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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