You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
