living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
