He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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