We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
