i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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