so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
