I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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