In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
