My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
