My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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