I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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