So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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