Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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