all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
