are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My vagina is very pro this idea
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
