I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
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