Please, let me fuck your mom
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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