Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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