i permit you to call me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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