I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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