ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
