So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
