kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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