i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
