It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
