cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
