airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im part way to drunk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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