You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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