I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
