id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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