Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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