Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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