Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
