Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize