Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
