Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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