I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
