somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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