He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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