my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
