What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
