i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
