i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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