please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
