Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sober January is a disaster.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What a dumb baby whore.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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