Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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