Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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