When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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