I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
