I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
