And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
