I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
