We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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