he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
