If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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