so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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