guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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