my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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