he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
